I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You smell like a Billy Joel song
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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