you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
