Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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