she looked like the bat from fern gully.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
