I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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