I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
