Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
