some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
