Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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