he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
