I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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