Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
