Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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