Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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