I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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