shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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