Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
