I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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