The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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