Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
