a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
