think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
