Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
