He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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