So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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