I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I didn't notice because vodka
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
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