I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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