I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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