I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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