Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
