she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
That accounts for only three of the penises
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
