it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
