I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
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he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
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T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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