he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
