I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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