I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
