Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
