with your own penis?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
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She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
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25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯