It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
