I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize