I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?