Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
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he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
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I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god