mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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