Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I didn't notice because vodka
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
