I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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