How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
