loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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