You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
