all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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