spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
