I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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