Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
