Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
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so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
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If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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