did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
