Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
