Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
