This house was built for laser tag.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
