I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
