On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
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I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
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My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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