She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just had sex on a roof
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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