you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
