So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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