Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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