Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Randomize
