dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she smelled like a LAN party
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
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It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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