I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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