Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.