She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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