I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
