There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
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