What a fucking waste of an outfit
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
