After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.