Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
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dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
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Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU