Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"