is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!